confession

My life is now like a roller-coaster . Mix feelings all over .
If only anyone knows how i felt right here . Still it doesnt also solve anything .
Likewise , no one can solve this except for myself .
I know im not ready to go , i haven even serve my god when im here in this world for 15 years
I only go to him when i need something . Did i even thank him ? So god , im not ready to go .
Afterall , god gave me the sweetest thing no one could ever give me but I realised since I wasnt a great girl , he took all away from me . And gave me what i really did not want . There i realised how great is my God is . Since then i prayed my best to get over something so god could gave me another chance . Right now , i dont feel like actually im living . I lost my confidence , enthusiam and alot more . Still i believed god will give me a journey road to success and healthy lifestyle .
Whenever i felt that pain , I think about him . Of course , what if he just take away my life in a snap of your finger ?
I live to serve you but I didnt do a great job god but still give me a chance that i will do it .
I cant change the day I die because you stated it before i was born . But im just hoping my death its not coming when sometimes i feel like its like
Sometimes i even got scared to tug myself to bed , what if you just take away my soul when i was sleeping soundly .

But God , i really appreciate you for giving me a man who change my life . Who tell me off who i am eventhough he already left me for someone greater . Yes god , you know i cant get over it . Yes god , you know i always prayed for his happiness . But god , help me open his eyes and let him see how strong is my love and care . But i trust this , you decide everything but here i am to accept what you decide . But in other way , i push away bad things and grab great things which came to me from you .

Amen .